What hurts the most? It isn't the PT...

I never really noticed the words to this song...and once you get past the twang of the music, it is a good song...so I give kudos to my friend Jade who had this on her Facebook...

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok
But that’s not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin’ to do

It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I’m doin’ It
It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

Not seeing that loving you
That’s what I was trying to do

It is a nice song...and several points really stood out to me..which ones? That is for me to know...and you to find out...enjoy.

I am here...are you there?

Well week 3 begins for me...I can say this much. Academically, It is going well. Socially, not nearly as well. I am not liked here. Oh well, that's nothing new. I wish that there were people to talk to online or by phone, anything! But nothing yet.

It is very tiring. No one here, no one to talk to. Being shunned and hated by almost everyone. Luckily however there are a few who are online from time to time that have time to talk to a far off college student, and it means a world of difference.

I didn't think that college would affect me that much. I was wrong. I thought that I could make it socially, again I was wrong. It's hard. I have some pictures with my friends and I...but I don't put them up. Mainly because I can't stand to look at their happy smiling faces. My English Professor asked if we ever had the ( Iforget the name) Letters or friendships. The kind where people say. "We'll be friends forever." or the like. I of course raised my hand. he said put them down. He then asked, if anyone has suffered that, not being true. Again, I raised my hand.

Now, I am relying on pure determination to finish, and God's help. That is all I can rely on.



Now, people mentioned the song from the last post. Well, it is a song I like, one. Two is that is is where I find myself, in proportion with the friend's I have/had.
People even PROMISED they would call, email, or write. Nothing yet, and I am coming to the half way mark. It is very discouraging. But I am stubborn, and you'll have to tie my in a sack to stop me. Anyhow, the song is beautiful. Written by Elton Jon, I might add.

In a world where a single word from a friend, makes the biggest difference, anything makes me ecstatic. But yeah...that is that.

Well, I must go to ENG101. Bye to anybody that reads this...

Endless Night

Where has the starlight gone?
Dark is the day
How can I find my way home?

Home is an empty dream
Lost to the night
Father, I feel so alone

You promised you'd be there
Whenever I needed you
Whenever I call your name
You're not anywhere

I'm trying to hold on
Just waiting to hear your voice
One word, just a word will do
To end this nightmare

When will the dawning break
Oh endless night
Sleepless I dream of the day

When you were by my side
Guiding my path
Father, I can't find the way

You promised you'd be there
Whenever I needed you
Whenever I call your name
You're not anywhere

I'm trying to hold on
Just waiting to hear your voice
One word, just a word will do
To end this nightmare

I know that the night must end
And that the sun will rise
And that the sun will rise

I know that the clouds must clear
And that the sun will shine
And that the sun will shine

I know that the night must end
And that the sun will rise
And that the sun will rise
I know that the clouds must clear
And that the sun will shine
And that the sun will shine
(Repeat to end)

I know
Yes, I know
The sun will rise
Yes, I know
I know
The clouds must clear

I know that the night must end
I know that the sun will rise
And I'll hear your voice deep inside

I know that the night must end
And that the clouds must clear
The sun
The sun will rise
The sun
The sun will rise

The Cold, Blue-eyed Outcast...

Well, it has been over a week since coming to Norwich. I have seen things. Things that you don't notice when you are at home and close to everyone. But that is for later.

Once again, I have become the outcast of the group, (No surprise there...) How do I know this? I am not allowed in the room where everyone congregates at night, I am excluded from talks, and the like. However, I am not totally alone. Me amigo from Portugal, stays near me. He isn't really an outcast though. Everybody likes him.

Today, I had enough of the gigantic "click" that has formed. I can't stand them. So, I went for a walk around the campus, alone. It was just what I needed. I am going to go on a walk everyday. It is very relaxing. However, I am going to include a new element to the walk.

The Braveheart Dash. On campus that is a steep hill in a very remote corner. One day, during a PT session, Our Staff Sergent said that we would come to hate this hill. Why you may ask? Because, It represents any obstacle in our way. When we feel upset, sad, angry, or any other emotion, go to the hill, and run up it, then jump over the chest high fence.

We call it the Braveheart Dash, because when you run up it, you yell like furies.

I am going to start doing that...everyday. Mainly because of the frustration that builds up.

I just saw a video that followed 4 rooks during Rook Week all the way to Recognition. It is going to be Hell on earth. I will be reduced to nothing, then rebuilt. It will be a painful process, but I am ready. I have to be ready, or I won't make it.

No letters yet...maybe later in the week. Well, this is my entry for the day...

But one last thing before I go...

"If you always do what you did, then you'll always be who you always were."

Remember that.

I don't know if you can see, the chages coming over me.

There is a verse in the song "Caledonia" and it goes like this...

Well ive been moved, and ive kept on movin
Proved the points that i needed proovin
Lost the friends i needed loosin
Found others on the way
And i have kissed the ladies and left them cryin
Stolen dreams theres no denying
Travelled hard with contience flyin
Somewhere with the wind

For some reason, that verse seems to be me...then of course the chorus fits me as well...

Oh but let me tell you that i love you
And i think about you all the time
Caledonia your callin me and im goin home
But if i should become a stranger
You know that it would make me more than sad
Caledonia your everythin ive ever had.

This new college experience has been and still is an eye opener...I am learning of new limits, new thoughts, new ways of doing things. It is also different, because I am 1/10 of 1% That is

A: A very special group.
or
B: A very stupid group.

I don't know what else to say...for now.

My home...

Here is "what you call hell, and I call home..."

Caledonia

I dont know if you can see, the changes that have come over me
In these last few days, ive been afraid that i might drift away
And ive been tellin old stories, singing songs
That made me think about where i came from
Thats the reason why i seem so far away today.

CHORUS

Oh but let me tell you that i love you
And i think about you all the time
Caledonia your callin me and im goin home
But if i should become a stranger
You know that it would make me more than sad
Caledonia your everythin ive ever had.


Well ive been moved, and ive kept on movin
Proved the points that i needed proovin
Lost the friends i needed loosin
Found others on the way
And i have kissed the ladies and left them cryin
Stolen dreams theres no denying
Travelled hard with contience flyin
Somewhere with the wind

REPEAT CHORUS

Now im sitting here, beside the fire
The empty room the forest choir
Flames that couldnt get any higher
Theyve withered now there gone
But im steady thinking my way is clear,
And i know what i must do tomorrow
When the hands ive shaken and the flown i will dissapear.

REPEAT CHORUS